The Runday Shag
Date: 13 & 14 January 2024
Hares: 2504a Bonn Bugle & No Nookie
2504 Spotted Dick & Bend Over
Venues: See below
On Ons: See below
2500th Celebrated and not Weakened
Friday night: GM has a case of amnesia (after a case of wine)
Having been told that the pub crawl started at 6pm and there was a 20 minute walk to the first pub, the stalwarts set off at 5:40pm to avoid wasting valuable drinking time. Some of us had a quick look in the second pub and saw a line of gassy pumps, so headed off for number three where, o joy, there was beer, a comfortable seat, scenery to please the eyes and decent background music. The beachhead party decided to stay in number three and feast upon the scenery and ales until it was time to slip off to the curry house.
Here the inevitable happened, and Bill Gate reared his ugly head. Having been asked to bill in small groups, the restaurant decided to bill by table, so instead of 4+4, e.g. 4 drinkers and 4 non-drinkers, we were presented with one big bill, so you get the picture, plus ça change plus la même chose! Having two with degrees in maths on our table it was quickly sorted, but over on another there were tears and raised voices. The Baboon did a dance on the table with much chest beating and on the GM’s table things looked quite fraught and the waiter was sitting at the table bashing away on his calculator. It turned out to be his ‘phone which was bigger than anyone else’s.
He left it on the table and Bonn Bugle picked it up thinking a hasher had left it behind. Over on another table Tequil’over blew his trumpet and cleared the restaurant.
Later that night the restaurant, who might be used to such felonies, traced the missing ‘phone to the hotel and dispatched someone to collect it. Clearly the GM was the worse for wear the following morning, and she messaged the committee:
“Does anyone have the restaurant – curry house – owners phone? Apparently someone used it to calculate the bill and took it by mistake. They have located it to the hotel here. Pls ask around as I am out setting run . Tks”
Petal, still suffering from insanity and poor judgement, messaged back: “It was you, you dozy tart!”
Uncle Gerry advised him to wear a dictionary down his pants at the run.
‘Twas the night before…
Twas the night before dancing
When at the old Porterhouse
The girls were a prancing
With not a man nor a louse
Steph to the rescue
Not a moment to lose
Get your dicks up here now
Forget all that booze
Her text was ignored
But in case they got bored
Steph did her best
To help the depraved female horde
So the moral of this sad Christmas tale
Is, if you want a good Knight
Do it your bloody self…
Whilst the boys sup their ale
SATURDAY RUN, No. 2504a - A NEW VENUE BUT THE SAME RESULT
For those with more than a Nano second of memory the coming together again of the GM, previously Games Mistress at St. Trinian’s, and No Nookie, known locally as Dr Alison Sutton of Poole NHS, must have sent a ripple of concern amongst those travelling to the tropical paradise that is Westbourne on Chime. Had not their previous Woking debacle left enough bruises. Who could not forget the horrors of the Woking one way system, unlimited yellow lines, no parking provisions, etc, etc, and that was before the Run started?
However Hashers always live in hope, or indifference, and initials signs were that they had raised their game by the fact that the indicated start was in rural surroundings, well away from our urban Hotel base, reinforced by a car journey of at least 30 minutes to get there. I shall not mention the 78 traffic lights and the 52 roundabouts on the journey, plus the Sat-nav having a nervous breakdown at the start and finish, [You just did!] as that could be interpreted by the more cynical of you as complaining.
And so it proved, a dank Car Park in a pine forest. In this environment it would not be unreasonable to assume that we could look forward to the best qualities of a Surrey Run, with lots of small forest paths, tricky back checks in forest groves, and the feel of the soil underfoot. O joy, the Hares have got the message. Sadly the dream was destroyed within 300 yards of the start as we emerged on to a wide gravel road, to lead onto another gravel road, which led to yet more gravel roads. Yes, dear readers, the whole Run was on gravel roads. To be quite honest this Run could have just as easily been laid from a 10 Ton Bedford Lorry (possibly the GM’s Xmas present), and if you think I am exaggerating a number of signs were on display saying “no lorries beyond this point”.
I will acknowledge a variation in the Run in as much as the runners were sent behind a hill whilst the walkers were sent in front of it, but both loops returned to trail already run upon, and all on that cursed gravel road. We know the surrounding country was wet and muddy, but 100% on road was extracting the Michael.
However the Hares are neither naïve or unaware of their crimes and use all weapons available in their defence, in this case a mammoth drinks stop that with dedication would wipe the brain of any remembrance of the Run. Every flavour of Baileys was on offer, and duly consumed, although a rogue bottle of Domestos found its way onto the table, fronting as Cherry Brandy.
Back at the Circle the Hares put on a Post Office defence, “best Run of the day”, “helped keep your shoes dry and mud free”, “needed a simple Run to get back to the Hotel on time”, plus saying “Fleur, SBJ, and Blue Suit needed locking up for their stupidity in finishing at the wrong Car Park.” Perhaps the only sensible thing they said all day.
So there you have it, a Hash Run delivered in a very strange way, and where if the Hares had any imagination they would have said to arrivals, “jump into your car, the road conditions are perfect for Surrey’s first off-road car rally.” Now that would have been fun.
Thanks to the generosity of the Hash, £280 was collected at the 2500 Dance, all of which will be distributed to our two nominated charities.
SUNDAY RUN, No. 2504 - UP AND DOWN. SIGN OF THE CHINES (Harry Styles or Prince - take your pick). A hangover run, this was not!
After a “Hail fellow and fair welcome” session with the Wessex Hash we were treated to a lecture on trail markings from Spotted Dick and we were shown some interesting hieroglyphics. We then set off down to the beach. There were so many people running along the coast that some of us were too busy gassing to notice that those ahead were not hashers! See map below. Having seen the error of our ways we set off in hot pursuit up a steep path. This was the first of many. This was certainly no hangover run!
Each time we thought we’d caught up with the pack we realised that they were on the opposite side of a chine.
So, up and down we went until we could hear loud and clear the sound of Stevie Blunder at the top of a hill. So we shuffled along the bottom awaiting a reunion, but all fell silent as the trail obviously zigged and zagged again. Along the way we met other strays and, happening upon a regroup by an ice cream stall, we decided to wait for the pack to catch up! Fat chance! The drink stop was the other way. Other strays appeared having chined one time too many and headed on the in trail for a long wait at the hotel. The full “hangover run” must have been two hours. Who knew Bournemouth had so many chines?
On on to the pub, where we met some locals who had hashed in the Far East many eons ago. There was much celebrating and socialising with our delightful host hash friends, before wending our way home.
Thanks to No Nookie, S4B and Bonn Bugle for all their hard work which was well worth it and much appreciated by all.
On on, Petal
Letter to the Editor
Recently when mooching through our SH3 archives in DropBox I came across a pic of a doggy-couple at large who were desecrating the countryside. I shall ask the GM if they can be now known as “Dump and Run”.
Concerned of Clandon
Congratulations to our Sister Hash!
Barnes H3 celebrated
its 2000th run this week.