The Runday Shag
Date: 13 August 2023
Hares: RHUM & Atalanta
Venue: Chipstead Meads
On On: The White Hart
From our own correspondent...
ATALANTA AND RHUM LAY AN ORIGINAL* TRAIL
*disputed – see Wall of Shame below.
Towards the end of today’s trail, RHUM asked Wally why he came to Surrey runs. I imagine Wally is no better aware of being unwelcome than are the yobs on football terraces who disgrace the game by chanting insults at opponents. “I am the only one calling”, which means no calling is needed at that moment. “Without me, the pack could not cross busy roads safely”. No comment. Doubtless all of us who regularly submit copy to this run-sheet have an inflated sense of our own importance, or we would not refer to ourselves so often.
RHUM hoped that Surrey had never started a trail from the local rugby club, which I believe to be true. He and Atalanta had been battling with wet weather to lay the trail, but we were allowed to run it in calm, indeed often sunny, weather. 4.5 miles we were promised, which sounds right: just over 80 minutes, a left-hander. Chipstead is a fairly built-up area, so necessarily we encountered stretches of black-top, but we also had a very lengthy stretch of trail on a narrow, little-used path in woodland, of necessity I suppose without checks, on which overtaking was well-nigh impossible, so the pack became very strung-out.
Thereafter however more open ground and quite difficult checks restored the customary spread of our runners. A word of tribute here to Fetherlite, whose handle seldom appears in these sheets; trapped in the Indian file of our runners she was held back, but on escape went off at an impressive bat. She and First On had been trying to tie back the brambles obstructing our progress, though little could be done for the nettles, which had us all tingling by the time we emerged.
I have said “we” so far, but in fact Surrey were well outnumbered by Old Coulsdon and a few visitors, including two boys, an excellent presence. I am too old and slow to say who was solving the checks; certainly J. Arthur, who should not really have been running after treatment to an injury, was contributing nobly. One of the children was a grandson of Popeye’s; we should have more of this happening, to add to our future. You will have seen the new format of these sheets, intended inter alia to attract more members from among the devotees of social media. It is curious to think that in early 1986, when I first ran with Surrey aged 49, I was then (as now of course) one of the oldest, suggesting hashers in their 30s and 40s were quite normal, family commitments or not.
In Brazil you are considered white unless you are black, but in the States black unless you are white. Much of the fuss over abortion in southern USA is the fear that African-Americans, Asians and Latinos will outnumber “white” people. Here in Britain mixed marriages are much more frequent, and indeed in a few centuries will be universal, though you may think current TV dramas are anticipating this rather, but in the States the 1967 film “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” was then thought difficult and controversial. True, police serials here seldom explore the racism which disfigures so many forces (or the misogyny), but I suppose they are trying to set a good example, not dwell on difficulties. In this regard, while SH3 is impeccably courteous to all visitors, of whatever race, we are almost entirely lily-white. Obviously African runners (for example) are very fast indeed, and perhaps find our progress both bewilderingly stop-and-start, and also rather slow. That will always be true of hashing!
On On, FRB
From the Artificially Inseminated brain of our roving reporter...
SERIOUSLY RIGHT UP YER AI
I’ll present the AI report first, replete with American spelling, then the preamble and essential ingredients!
In the picturesque surroundings of Chipstead Meads rec. ground, a spirited group of elderly Hash House Harriers gathered at their cherished meeting point. Led by the indomitable Atalanta, a trail had been meticulously laid out by her and her co-hare, RHUM. The clock struck 11 o’clock last Sunday, and with an air of determination, the silver-haired runners embarked on their adventure.
Atalanta’s trail proved both cunning and challenging, winding through scenic landscapes that showcased the breathtaking beauty of nature. The trail was set ablaze by the blazing speed of the remarkable Chastity Belt, who raced ahead with the grace of a gazelle, leaving everyone else in awe. As the trail continued, the venerable Lord Raleigh exhibited astonishing agility, pushing the boundaries of his age and inspiring others to persevere.
Tosser and Too Posh, two names synonymous with vigor and vitality, surged forward like a pair of spirited stallions, leaving trails of dust behind them. Their swift pace brought a renewed sense of energy to the group, as they effortlessly outpaced the rest, embodying the spirit of the Hash House Harriers.
After conquering the trail with an exhilarating sense of accomplishment, the Hash House Harriers, united and content, retreated to the welcoming embrace of the White Hart pub. Laughter and camaraderie filled the air as they savored hearty meals and clinked glasses brimming with frothy brews. However, the jovial atmosphere was momentarily disrupted by an intrusive paparazzo attempting to capture the moment. Unfazed, the group rallied under Atalanta’s guidance and collectively decided to adjourn, leaving the persistent photographer in their wake.
The Cod’s Wallop² Coda offers an intriguing perspective on a recent climate disaster event, stirring both curiosity and concern. It postulates that the catastrophic event was precipitated by a misalignment of cosmic energies, challenging conventional beliefs about climate science. While potentially inaccurate, this view serves as a reminder that our understanding of the world is ever-evolving, urging us to remain open to new interpretations and solutions to the challenges that lie ahead.
Atalanta’s trailblazing spirit and the Hash House Harriers’ united front serve as a metaphor for the resilience required to navigate these challenges. Let us take inspiration from their unwavering unity, for together, we can strive to ensure a more sustainable future for generations to come.
I asked: Improve a Paragraph about my usage of AI. Here is what I wrote:
As the world’s expert on Generating documents using AI based tools, I have now written all the Hash Reports for the foreseeable future… Here is the fruit of my labours for the imminent trail.
First, the AI “improvement of above”…
As a foremost authority in harnessing the power of AI-driven tools for document generation, I have successfully crafted an extensive repertoire of Hash Reports that will serve as an invaluable resource for the foreseeable future. The culmination of my dedicated efforts is now on display, exemplified by the imminent trail where the fruits of my labor stand as a testament to the seamless fusion of human expertise and cutting-edge technology.
Then the “instructions”:
Make up a 4-sentence per paragraph, 4 paragraph story about a group of elderly Hash House Harriers, who went out on a trail from Chipstead Meads rec ground; laid by Atalanta and her co-hare RHUM, at their usual time of 11 o’clock last Sunday. Mention Atalanta 3 times and extol the virtues of “Chastity Belt”, Tosser and Too Posh for running so fast they left everyone else behind. When finished they all then went to the White Hart pub and ate and drank until an annoying paparazzo tried to take a photo whence they all left.
Include a section at the end called “the Cod’s Wallop² Coda” with strong personal, though possibly inaccurate, views on a recent climate disaster event.
OnOn TeqAIeeeee. xx
[Ed: Is there a future in AI? They say, “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story,” but perhaps some would help!!!]
Our own correspondent missed some of the proceedings...
…so our International Correspondent took a register!
Old Closed Down H3:
Layby, Chipmonk, Loopy Lou – subcontracted hare who got lost!!!!
Randy Pandy, Old Proxy, Cur Raymond
Dog’s Bollocks (Ben Her – preferred pronoun)
Tracey Williams – virgin
Wankers H3 – Tosser has now been appointed their Grand Disaster
Scud (Miss Isle), but some of the OCH3 hashers also come under this category.
Skiver and her partner a newbie virgin hasher!!!!
Featherweight, Velcro, Mad Donna
Maid Marian (memorial)
The perennial Grand Master introduced Ben Her and Bill Him and they mentioned that we had recently lost Maid Marian.
He was friendly with me on a number of nash hashes and could drink me not just under the table but down down one of Scargill’s mines!
We all down downed to a lovely chap.
The hares were then berated for that awful trail and then Poopeye in my absence as RA was called forward.
Petal had lost a SH3 T-shirt in 1995 and someone had seen it today but the shirt or the wearer were never found.
Petal was upbraided for speaking to his wife romantically on the phone for ages, but then he said it was his mother.
Raffles was castigated (I said castigated) for stealing one of the golfer’s balls but he (the said golfer) was pleased as the canine culprit then took it nearer to the hole!!??
Knees Up was given one for hiding behind a skinny tree and then short cutting.
Sonic fell over a tree stump and lost a tooth but he is looking forward to the fairy (gender neutral) coming later.
Him and Flick Flack then sang us some of their hash songs – at least these were cleaner than the normal ones.
J Arthur got one for apparently leaving cans at the Memorial Hall previously but my information was that they were only concerned about the ton of cardboard that Poopeye dumped there!
Letters to the Editor (back again)
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to address a concern regarding the recent report from your correspondent for the SH3 organ of communication. It has come to my attention that the AI chat instructions provided lack a necessary level of factual information about the trail and its participants. This oversight has caused a misrepresentation of events and outcomes.
In particular, I would like to highlight the case of my “client,” Chunderos, a vibrant and determined young individual of the feminine persuasion. She accomplished an impressive feat by being one of the two participants to finish the trail first. However, the current report fails to accurately convey this significant achievement due to the absence of contextual details.
I respectfully urge you to refine the AI chat instructions to include pertinent facts about the trail, its challenges, and the participants involved. This enhancement will contribute to a more accurate representation of the events and ensure that the accomplishments of individuals like Chunderos are properly acknowledged. As we continue to rely on AI systems for communication and reporting, it is essential that accuracy and fairness are upheld.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. Your commitment to improving the functionality of the SH3 organ of communication is greatly appreciated.
Herr A.Runne (Ob-Leut Ret.)
Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne.
Solicits. At Law
What has happened to hashing?
A trail across roads where there was no safety officer booked.
A run through wonderful countryside but instead of making the trail across open fields there was a narrow unused path for 2 miles that had not been walked for ages – we are not the Ramblers Association.
But the biggest crime of all was subcontracting the hash to another group who got lost laying it as well. Surely our members have enough experience by now to design their own trails?
Perhaps Atalantic Ocean and Rumballed need to go on one of the famous Wally “Hare Raising Clinics” ?
I remain yours most sincerely,
Wall of Shame (Another Private Eye Revelation)
Yet again failure by the Serious Fraud Office to vigorously clamp down on plagiarism and impersonation in the mature amateur athletics field. This week a blatant case occurring in the County of Surrey, a hot-bed of athletic rivalry under the auspices of nominal global regulator HHH.
The facts as known to date are that well known local grifter, playboy, and dilettante answering to the alias RHUM knowingly and deliberately stole ideas and routes belonging to local franchise Legolas and Loopy Lou Inc. Both ladies are deeply upset and angered by this outrageous theft, saying very considerable effort and imagination went into this construct, and that nobody had the right to use them without permission and compensation. A witness at this event quoted Loopy Lou’s response to this outrage as follows: “only a man with no scruples could step so low as to behave like this, even if this RHUM has a history of similar behaviour”. She has reported this to the local Police whose only response to date has been an offer of a sniffer dog to determine and evaluate the trail.
It is alleged that RHUM has a part-time female accomplice who he refers to as “my bag lady”, although those who know her say she is a very simple soul, easily led, and very much influenced by his fast cars and designer clothes, unlikely to be fully aware of his illegal behaviour.
It is hoped that this revelation will stir the SFO into some type of action, and that they will not be put off by the smoke-screen he will almost certainly put up through his off-shore surveying companies that appear to hide most of his dubious activities.
Your Legal Beaver