DISASTER – A RECIPE

THIS RECIPE IS ALMOST GLUTEN FREE AS VERY LITTLE FLOUR WAS USED IN THE MAKING

Servings – one pack | expected length – 6 km ( 4 km short cut) | Actual length- 7 miles short cut

INGREDIENTS

• Live Hare (preferably Stevie Blunder)
• No map
• Flour – < ½ teaspoonful per mark
• Esher Common – a territory that is better known to the pack than the hare

METHOD

Step 1

Ensure that the hare realizes 5 minutes before he heads off that he has left the flour and his trail map by the front door at home. Therefore scrabble a bag of flour from the backs of people’s cars – under no circumstances go to the shops and buy more flour!

Step 2

Tell the pack before you depart that the trail is 6 km and that there is a well marked short cut by the bridge for the A3. This will set the unrealistic expectations that there is indeed a plan .

Step 3

Start the trail on half a km of road using only a thimble full of flour – this allows Wally plenty of time to complain about the non-regulation size markings and the amount of black top.

Step 4

Having no map, wend your way onto the common and take the pack in an unintentional full circle at the start this has the added benefit of allowing late comers to find the hare crouching in the bushes hoping they will pass by

Step 5

Zig zag the trail around the common. This allows time for the ingredients to ferment which will get reactions such as:
Sister Anna losing her phone, Dormouse losing his dog and then Dormouse not being able to hang up the phone.
Captain Webb and Tosser doing their own trail and running into the hare to tell him he is going in the wrong direction

Step 6

Allow half the pack to ignore the trail as they don’t want to miss the short cut – Guess what – they will miss the short cut!

Step 7

Wind the trail to the short cut at which point those that actually find it realize that they have done 5 miles already so head their own way home

Step 8

Allow ‘One in the Eye’ time to catch the hare and as a reward rather than debagging the hare, recruit her into carrying the flour and co-haring!

Step 9 (optional)

For those that tried to do the full trail (Ms Bean being the only one) make sure that the trails are so close together that they end up running in circles at one point and then after faithfully pursuing the trail through pleasant back reaches of the common find that they have hit the in trail.

Step 10 – the Icing
To make a complete disaster one would of course go to the nearest pub without booking and find it full. However this disaster was averted by Flash Gordon who made a last minute arrangement at the Oxshott club who provided excellent drinks crisps and cakes – yay!!!!

  On On, Ms Bean

NON-SHOCK SH3 SURVEY!!

• Any member NOT living in Putney.
• Any member who does NOT have the demeanour and appearance of “The Wild Man of Borneo”.
• Any member whose dog is NOT brighter than its owner.
• Any member in possession of a braincell, but more importantly knows how to switch it on. 
• Any member whose underpants are NOT too tight, thereby avoiding cutting off the blood supply to the brain.
• Any member who does NOT think that ownership of a pair of running shoes is automatically the pathway to sporting ability and success.

Kicked out & last seen on Putney High Street