To the President of Iceland, a Report on Agent ‘Eskimo’

The Committee has completed the report you requested on our Agent who was sent to England in 1976 to investigate the possibilities of Viking Raids and cheap beer. As you know there has been concern that the payments to Agent Eskimo of one dried herring a month, plus a fermented shark and a smoked sheep head at Christmas may not be value for money. Agent Eskimo says she has not been paid since December 1976 as the English Post Office refuse to deliver rotting food. It is true that the smell of my emergency pack of extra fermented shark caused the airport sniffer dog to faint when the pack accidentally fell open, so she may be correct.

The Investigation was on the pretext of attending her birthday party, which corresponded with a ‘run’ by her Hash House Harriers group. You may recall Mr President that there was once a Reykjavik Hash, but none survived after a polar bear chased the entire pack into a lake of molten lava. As the forecast was for sunny weather we all dressed in warm, black clothing to blend in seamlessly with the Surrey hashers. I don’t think anyone noticed us, but sunny weather is slightly warmer in England so many of the Committee suffered severe heatstroke and had to drink alcohol to cool down.

As you will recall, it was Agent Eskimo who suggested that Iceland went into Banking in a big way. While we have no proof that this was a deliberate attempt to sabotage our nation, it has taken since 2007 to save up the airfares for the Committee to go and rebuke her. Agent Eskimo plied us with food and large amounts of alcohol and while I am quite confident we did say something about nearly bankrupting Iceland, I cannot remember exactly what or who said it. Again, I am quite confident that this was not an attempt by Agent Eskimo to bribe us with food and booze.

The Surrey Hash House Harrier members were completely oblivious to our presence as we paid no ‘subs’, though oddly they did tell The Icelandic Joke, but I am confident that it was purely a coincidence. We saw the British 2027 Eurovision Song entry performed by members of the Hash and based on what we heard, I think Iceland is in with a very good chance. I would add Mr President, that the advice you received from President Trump about the need to accelerate Artificial Intelligence proved true. From what we saw of the British and American Hashers present, Artificial Intelligence is not just desirable but essential.

Our recommendations Mr President are to continue with the dried fish payments to Agent Eskimo, but it will be absolutely essential for the entire Committee to conduct another full investigation on her, again in England, this time next year.