Pole F*cker’s hash around the lovely Lake Hawley was a run of many parts, many of which I was not privy to on account of W3W sending me to a sink housing estate in outer Farnborough. When I did eventually tip up at the right spot, there was no sign of the hash or the On Out.

  Hash Hound Pepper and I eventually located the trail and set off in hot pursuit. The route took the footpath to the west side of Hawley Lake, circumnavigating the lake through shady rhododendrons and leafy trees. A shout out to Checkin Chicken Big Foot, who did a sterling job connecting the sawdust with smatterings of microscopic flour particles.

  Once Pepper had cooled herself in the water, fighting off angry geese and swans, we happened upon the Knitting Circle. All deep in conversation with not a care in the world. I was a tad ticked off that the On Out had not been marked, but no one, including Lord Raleigh, Veggie Queen, Tosser and Uncle Gerry, showed the slightest interest or sympathy. In fact, I was advised to put it in writing!!! Damp Patch and Cuddles swore they hadn’t seen any runners and thought the pack might be lagging behind the walkers.

  The next group Pepper and I bumped into was led by Machinist, who informed me that I was now at the crossroads between the walkers and runners trail.  I have no idea how he knew this.  I left them strolling on home, and we set off, hoping that the many ingenious checks would hold up the main hash long enough for us to catch up. Ha, not a chance.

  As I have been known to arrive late, I often follow the hash behind everyone else and enjoy the challenge of following the trail with just a dog for company. This was no exception and Pole F*cker had taken full advantage of what is prime hashing territory. He led the pack through pine forests and gorse strewn heathland, up and down, with lots of variation and interest. The fact that he’d laid it the week before in sawdust – not Waitrose’s finest organic hand milled wholemeal flour as we are used to – did not detract from an excellent trail.

  I eventually caught up with a bedraggled Belcher, Wally and Yellow Peril, who all loudly complained about the paucity of checks and being left behind. Wally was particularly incensed because instead of checks, the hare had often used large sawdust arrows to point FRBs in the right direction! Go figure.

  As the essence of hashing is to keep runners of varying abilities together with the use of cunning misdirection, difficult checks and the occasional regroup, SH3 often falls woefully short on this. (Sorry Surrey!) I am a slow lumbering hasher and do try to run. When I occasionally turn up on time, I like to feel part of the hash, moving along as a group, and having the chance to solve checks.

  Not, as is often the case on Surrey, trailing behind in the wake of elite athletes who are given free rein to gallop far into the distance because there is absolutely nothing on the hash trail to slow them down. FRBs need to be made to work very hard…

  The run had been on the hot side, but we met up in the shade for the Down Downs, always a jolly occasion with Surrey H3. Today, if you bumped into a Surrey hasher, you shook their hand because we were vastly outnumbered by non-Surrey hashers. All welcome of course. Birthing Blanket was in her element with a bulging Clutcher’s Purse.

  As I hadn’t been on the main hash, it was nice to see fellow hashers Hanging About, Simple and Wurzel at the end. The cold lagers and plentiful beer laid on by Biermeister Tiller were appreciated given the warm temperatures.

  Our esteemed GM Uncle Gerry thanked Bolshie for doing the honours while he was sunning himself somewhere with Mrs G, to recover from the trials and tribulations of looking after the Surrey Hash. Two visitors from Oslo Hash, Fatty and Buzz, were welcomed. We had Damp Patch, Cuddles and Yorkie representing North Hants, Berkshire and Deepcut Hashes. RA Belcher recounted an amusing story involving Bolshie, Fanny Sniffer and Wally; something about a doctor and an engineer with the punchline being Wally, which caused much hilarity.

  Verdict: A fabulous hash trail on a hot sunny day in great location. Needed more tricky checks and subterfuge to keep the pack together.

On on: Kelinchi aided by Pepper

[Ed: A very special thanks to the hare for providing food for the assembled masses instead of sending us to a rip-off pub.  I hear it was very good and I’m sorry I couldn’t partake!]