rs2587 - Surrey Hash House Harriers

The Runday Shag

Issue 2587

Date: 24 August 2025

Hare: Veggie Queen & Belcher

Venue: Bletchingley Village Hall

On On: The Red Lion

Belchingley revisited.

What the Dickens!

It was the best of times (we were on our way to the hash on a fine day); and the worst of times (the rest of the world was going to Legoland and filling all the roads, making us even later than usual).

And so we arrived late to the ancestral home of Belcher. Legend has it that Henry VIII bestowed Belchingley Park to Anne of Cleves on the annulment of their marriage (No sex, please, and a house, I’m German – Anna von Kleve). As she had no issue the house and half the village was returned to the family and has been passed down through the generations of a little known branch of the family, the Belchers, and it is now known as Belchingly Perk as he gets free pints at the pub.

What of the trail? You may ask. You may well ask! Spud had just arrived with Ms Bean (no relation to Justice Bean) & Stevie Blunder and they departed in separate directions, Beanie the right way & Blunder the wrong (che sorpresa). We opted to follow Beanie having received a hint from back marker Lord Raleigh. We were then faced with all the walking wounded returning to base already! ‘Ardon Provocateur, Ratty, Terminator, etc.

The trail was a long narrow downhill path fenced on both sides (the Greensand Way), but at least the view was respectable.

From there we headed down in bright sunshine toweards the M23. At least the kindly farmer had arranged plenty of water troughs for the pooches to take a sip without swimming in the murky river. The dappled sunlight helpfully highlighted some of the blobs on trail:

We encountered other hashers who seemed to be doing their own thing – Teddy Bear claimed to have found the in trail so was making up what might have come before it.

As we had lost so much height inevitably there were some long uphil stretches towards the end, whereupon the village was looking splendid.

Back at “the bucket”(showing my age) Missing in Action took control and welcomed the visitors (two recent hares), before Bigfoot reeled off all the special days it was today:

International Strange Music Day – Teq (obviously) as he demonstrated most admirably with his trumpet at the Hog’s Back Brewery on Saturday, the On On for the Nash Hash trail that Missing in Action and Bigfoot set. He had two 3 year olds in front of him, break dancing in hysterics.

William Wilberforce Day (b 24 Aug 1759) – Belcher took Veggie Queen and her sister, along as slaves to carry the flour, but tables were turned when VQ made Belcher do all the carrying, giving him a sore back. Red Eye said, ‘That’s why you bring your wife, to carry the flour’ so he got a down-down.

Mt Vesuvius Day – exploded August 24th, AD79 destroying Pompeii and Herculaneum. Eveready in recognition wore his Bali volcano hash shirt (Mount Agong on the back which exploded in 1963 killing more than 1,500 people).

Other sinner were Ms Bean – for bringing her spare car keys to the run so that she did not get locked out of her car by Stevie Blunder. Except she had left the keys in the car and so was locked out. Atalanta – for complaining after 500m that there weren’t enough checks. Sticky Balls – when Bigfoot informed him, some way into the trail, that Belcher’s run was a reverse of the one he’d set there last September (ultimately, though similar, it did diverge from last year), he said. ‘I’ll follow you then!’ Bigfoot never saw him again I presume because armed with this apparent “knowledge” Bigfoot proceeded to check in all the wrong directions! In particular the red herring backcheck beneath the M23 (well done Belcher!) He further reported:

Taking our lives in our hands (Part 1) we crossed the tracks of the Redhill to Tonbridge line, which I have since read was closed for track repairs anyway, reopening today (Tuesday). Smart planning!

The inevitable turn eastward came at Temple Wood into Bransland Wood, followed by 1.0km of north-headed blacktop along Outwood Lane where we took our lives in our hands (Part 2). Only got away with it because he he knew Gibber would not be there. Seems he wanted to take us off the road and east before that, until he heard the gruff cry of, ‘Get off my land’.

We continued eastward again, awaiting the inevitable left turn that would ultimately take us up to The North Downs once more. Crossing through a field of maize brought memories of American horror films of being trapped in and chased through fields of corn – Children of The Corn to name one. [Not Theresa May?]
Given that it was the Nash Hash weekend it was a respectable sized pack.

On On,

Petal

Report from Nash Hash – A Simple Desultory Phillipic or How I was Uncle Gerried into Submission

– or Nash Hash 2025 Twickenham – London (but Twickers is in Middlesex – Ed) – no it isn’t now as Genghis Khan has done a land grab!!

Location – St Marys College – how can they call it a university?

Organisers – Ryde & Tablewhine
plus many helpers

SH3 participants – Uncle Gerry,
Lady Goodknee, Rumbold, Dormouse sans canines, Sister Annie, Velcro, Simple, Lonely – walking wounded, Nickerless – one night only, Chameleon Hash – Cloggs.

Mon Oncle was determined to celebrate nostalgia(but it isn’t what it used to be !- Ed) by claiming to have done 80 years of hashing and it is 5 years since he received his telegram from the Queen.

Meanwhile he was ensconced in the palatail apartments orgnised for the royalty Gurney Towers and would not reveal where this was whilst others had en suite pigeon holes and a 5k run away from the centre of the sight.

Dormouse and Sister Anna had come in the mobile mousehole.

Toughies like Rumbold and Simple were being very camp and Velcro was attached somewhere.

The ever resolute Lonely had decided that it would improve his serious health condition by coming to a hash and running and eating and drinking all at the same time.

We all gathered on Friday for a big drink up and squeezed into the dance hall for a session from a good group.

Saturday came and there was a choice of runs.

Crane Valley – separate report from Cloggs – obviously running in her wooden shoes.

Bras and Pants – enough said

Short Boat Trip – Mon Oncle, Lady Gurney and Lonely

Long Boat Trip [Isn’t that a Viking thing?] – Simple – I had him booked in for the Ball Breaker as mine had bust years ago and I thought it was his turn but he claimed injury?!

Uncle Gerry may have liked running throught the streets of Twickenham but on the short boat choice they only had to suffer a few Ks whereas on the long boat version it was 9k before we hit Bushey Park.

Eventually we hit Hampton Court and were rewarded with tots of port and 99s.

Relief at last as we boarded the boat for a sail back down down to Twickers.

Here copious amounts of beer, cider et al (he was the steward on board) were supplied along with crisps, peanuts and chocolate.

Disembarking under a bridge onto a cabbage patch of land, Robocop started a marathon down down session.

I had to leave after it was decided that someone had to bite A N Other’s bum (she may have liked it but I demurred).

I have heard of Lost in France but how I was lost 3ks from the site is a mystery but I recorded 12k into my running diary for posterity.

Saturday Night

The 60s theme was well supported with most people opting for hippies, The Spy Who Shagged Me or Sergeant Pepper’s outfits.

I came as Johhny Kidd of the pirates – why do pirates have an eye patch? Because they cannot afford and Eye Pad – boom boom.

This band was loud and discordant and the DJ would not play ANY 60s music – obviously he preferred to play music he liked!!!????????????

Uncle Gerry was amazed to see some photos of himself and his dear wife from the year 1920 that were displayed on a rolling screen!

Sunday

Black Death Run – Birthing Blanket, Simple, Rumbold

This was headed up by the bullish Pope with leftenants (like me they never use the right hand) Paul McCartney [Ed: That’s Smartarse to you and me], Bouncer etc.

It was decided to take a coach ride to the home of VAR and then for the hash with 106 souls on board to play chicken to cross the road as we were parked alongside an F1 practice raceway.

I invoked Elf and Safely and got everyone across without injury but how?

We circumnavigated Black Park without going near the pond(fortunate as some people like Pope were threatening to throw me in).

Amongst us we had a stalwart mother Peebee who carried her daughter Just Mav on her back(papoose style) and towed her son Wallbanger behind on a scooter – impressive or what?

Pope did his normal thing of humiliating me in the down downs and then I was losing the will to live until we arrived at the pub.

Here an excellent guitarist called Stephen Carroll entertained us with John Denver songs etc and I hopefully persuaded a lady’s birthday party to join a hash in the future.

So we were soon back to the future and on the coach again.

Sunday Night

A closing ceremony thanking everyone including God for the weather and another excellent guitarist who could have played all night and we could have missed out on the band again.

I tried unsuccessfully to teach a few people jiving but some always falls on stoney groundd

Monday

Uncle Gerry announced he would do the Hangover Run but as it would be another tarmac trek I decided to gatecrash Guildford’s only run in the day at Shere!!!

I think our Grand Master would have liked more SH3 members to attend as other groups had legions of followers (that is quite a size – ED) – well look up your Roman history!

But you can’t take horses to water and not allow them to chose their own beer.

Gracious thanks to Ryde and Tablewhine plus their staunch volunteers – this Nash Hash was nearly as good as the one I arranged for Berkshire in 1987.