It was a classic case of “Where the hell is the trail?” as our ever-reliable (cough) FRB struggled to locate the start. Meanwhile, the hares were MIA for the pre-run hare talk, leaving the pack to speculate whether they had overslept, abandoned ship, or were just testing our patience. Just when anarchy was about to take hold, they appeared—last minute, fashionably late, and probably amused at our confusion.

  Once on trail, Ms Bean, Doug T Tub, and Bonn Bugle led the charge, with Ms Bean stepping up like a true hasher. Taking over from the absent Bigfoot, she diligently found a check, checked it all out, ran back, and marked it through—only to wish aloud, “I wish Wally would shut up!” A noble effort, met with the usual Hash appreciation (or lack thereof).

  The hare decided to play mind games with the pack, strategically repositioning his van in different spots, leading us to believe a sip stop was in our future. But alas, it was a cruel trick—no beer awaited us. Instead, we were treated to an adventure across multiple fields, each with a check suspiciously placed right in the middle, as if to keep us guessing. Despite an early flour fart (a true Hash tragedy), there was still plenty of flour to follow.

  FRB, ever the trail mastermind, declared it a left-hander and refused to be lured right—especially with Bookham in sight. His confidence led a few astray, guiding them towards Teq’s favourite car park (seriously, who has a favourite car park unless you’re a dogger?). The detour was short-lived, merely avoiding a loop, and soon Ms Bean, JArt, Atalanta and Stevie B caught up—though not without scolding the short-cutters, FRB Hash Flash, Bonn Bugle, DTT, Sir Ray and Simple, for their sins.

  Back at the car park, the walkers and malingerers were impatiently waiting for J Art and, more importantly, the beer. Some lost faith entirely and defected to the pub. Teddy Bear, seizing the opportunity of being late, opted for a leisurely coffee, a newspaper, and grumping at anyone within range.

  The day saw the return of Vicky (the sensible one) and Steve (the fun one), both siblings of Wally (the crazy one), along with Coolbox, Mad-donna, and Sir Ray. The GM, in a rare moment of authority, awarded Ms Bean a well-earned down-down for her solo efforts on trail—much to the dismay of stand-in RA Simple, who promptly chastised the GM for being annoying. In turn, Simple brought up the pressing matter of Stevie Blunders’ hair (more on that later) and Ms Bean’s crime of ever letting him of the house looking like that.

  Just when we thought things couldn’t get weirder, the GM revealed that a suspected murder had taken place on trail. The primary suspects? A cat, Spud, and Raffles—who, denied any involvement when interrogated, and simply responded to enquiries with a curt “No comment.”

  As if the day hadn’t been chaotic enough, Teq lured us into the pub with promises of sausages in a bun and an irresistible 6 pints for the price of 5 deal. The race was on. The last dregs of hashers were rewarded with Baby Guinness shots—Kahlua and Baileys in perfect harmony, a truly delicious end to the mischief.

A huge thank you to Chunderos and Tequilover for a good run and On-In.
All in all, another glorious Sunday hash.

  On-On!

Bonn Bugle

Our raving reporter writes:

  Uncle Gerry had been complaining that there were so few hashes using roads and so Te Keel Over sycophantically had arranged one that was based on them!

  But the pack had other ideas and went in search of countryside.

  Leading the way as usual were Rank Outsider, Runner Bean, Blunderbus, Simple and Doug The Tub.

  The slow coaches were led by Cool Box mit sticks, Agent Provocateur with one and Strumpet stickless – more of this later.

  In and out of minor roads to a football field.

  By now the Fast Running Bastards had left the rest far behind but what is this a hare sitting imbibing at the next check?  Someone said “who is that?” and I obviously shouted “Don’t give him your name, Pike!”

  We left Pike enjoying his sustenance and went past the All Saints Church praying for some green fields.

  Then we came across Bookham’s answer to Twickers (Patel got very excited) but what is this there were girls playing football – it shouldn’t be allowed – I will get THE Donald to outlaw it!

  Halt MAJOR road ahead and we did, then crossed it to visit the Mazda garage.

  Not withstanding this there was also a chance for hashers to call in for some plants at the local Gardening Centre!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Here wisemen and maybe? some women knew if you kept straight on on you would be back in Bookham for first orders.

  Fortunately there were Mrs G and Posh to point the dedicated pack on the main trail led by Hash Crash, FRB and Doug The Tub. Here Dr Death appeared which was worrying as we need to keep death off off the roads!

  At last a decent landscape greeted us as we ran along giving us a glorious view with the sun shining on on our vitals – what’s not to like? (the sun or your vitals? – Ed).

  I hear at this point both Agent Provocateur and Strumpet were practising their gymnastics only to come crashing down down.  Strumpet was bewailing not bringing her stick but was rescued by an unknown hashman who then carried her all the way back to the pub.   Agent Provocateur was even luckier by having Nickerless pick him up, caress him so that he miraculously recovered.

  Tory Boy said that his (AP) accident was because he was The Fall Guy but that is not much of a joke and not up to my standards and so I haven’t included it! (??- Ed).

  Then another short cut for most but the Atlantic Ocean and The Rank Outsider refused to take it and backtracked to follow the hare’s trail.

  At the Polesden Lacy entrance they disappeared and I was lost and had to follow the road back to Bookham.

  Te Keel Over in his normal philanthropic way had provided grub in the form of hot dogs – Potato looked worried and Dormouse had to pick up Bugsie before he was put in a roll.

  So great weather, one great view, ON ON goodies, pity about the tarmac!

Sausage roll call (not mentioned above):

Sister Anna, Half Pint, Belcher – the vegetable was away in Borneo? Mrs Robinson, Clever Trevor, Terminator, Rumbold, First On, Peter (Tory Boy), Vicky (The Recluse), Hand Stands, Ban Bugle, Blue Suit, Lord Raleigh, Stingray, Silent Knight.

Late arrivals

Patel, Atlantic Ocean, Masterbates, Cheating, Dr Death, Body Shop, Madonna, Teddy