The Runday Shag
Issue 2558
Date: 26 January 2005
Hare: No Nookie & Shit for Brains
Venue: Chobham Common
On On: The Surrey Cricketers
No Sex, Please, We’re British
& He’s So Full of it His Eyes are Brown
set a boggy trail.
AI summary!
- RHUM shares a detailed account of a recent hash run, highlighting the challenging weather conditions and the absence of the usual RA.
- FRB, the talented scribe, steps down after many years of recording Surrey hash events.
- The group enjoys a pleasant after-hash social at the pub before Teq blows his horn and empties it.
This run sort of felt like Groundhog Day right from the start. It began from Chobham roundabout car park serving the eponymous common. It was almost a repeat of Petal’s effort from the same location just a few weeks ago [Ed – it was very different, it just looked the same!] and the weather was almost the same (cold and cloudy) until Mother Nature started the rain early. Boy, did it rain on our bedraggled group of hashers who even displayed two pairs of shorts in these inclement conditions, worn by RHUM and FRB.
FRB is our talented scribe who stood down this week after countless years of recording the events of Surrey Hash and what a debt we owe him for his intriguing commentaries on what were sometimes rather lacklustre events, with a splash of Latin and French also thrown in to add further colour to his words. A hard fact to follow. [Yes, huge thanks.]
Today was in many ways a struggle of a run with Chobham Common being at its boggiest with shiggy round every turn and the rain coming down in horizontal sheets. After a few minutes of the hash beginning our lovely hare, No Nookie, was beseeching the heavens for it to stop, claiming that the “forecast said 12 and it was only 11.30”. Not too sure if she obtained a response but the rain kept on all afternoon.
The pack was soon very well spread and many decided to do the much shorter walk with SFB rather then try the long version, which was just shy of 5 miles, although that seemed a lot longer in the dreadful conditions.
The weather gods have not been too kind to SH3 recently. We had constant rain for Wurzel’s effort two weeks ago and minus 4 for RHUM and Atalanta’s effort last week with snow on the ground. Time for a few dry Sundays we hope? [Doesn’t she look cute when she does that death stare thing?!]
The pack was led by the usual suspects with the Blunder-Beans being to the fore and Atty following despite her usual dilatory timekeeping, although she did have an excuse having picked up Bods and Masterbates en route which was quite an effort, as was her attempt to keep her car clean with two muddy hashers as passengers [Ed: Sympathies – at least the dog goes in the boot].
The Trail headed off under the M3 tunnel which I don’t think Petal’s did and came back over the road bridge although otherwise it seemed pretty similar and Chobham Common is somewhat ubiquitous, especially at this time of year.
The car park featured a group of sodden hashers hoping for the shelter of an umbrella with a few stragglers still emerging at 12:30 with the runners back around 12:00. The returning Sheila, Bonn Bugle started proceedings by announcing that she did not realise that Big Foot was Meesing in Action for several weeks in the Malay sun so we had no RA, which probably explains the weather on the day. The committee was suitably punished for not telling her. Nobody minded a brief circle and a swift return to dry vehicles.
So, to the pub where we were robbiely entertained by Masterbates who managed to recite a very mangled version of the bard’s “To a mouse” complete with dangling screen pointer as his non furry prop. We also had hash chips ! Most excellent and part of a very pleasant after hash social until Teq decided to blow his horn and practically emptied the pub.
On on
RHUM
Our raving reporter
…was unable to take notes because his pencil didn’t work in the rain but he did take a roll call:
Tea for the Tillerman, FRB, Hornblower, Dog the Tub, Mrs Robinson. friends of No Nookie – Replay and Lock, Sock and No Fucking Keys, Tosser, Agent Provocateur, Hash Crash, Birthing Pool, Ban Bugle, Handstands, Rank Outsider, Simple, Machinist, Bolshoi, Rumbold with his friend Tammy Shanter, Atlantic Ocean, Blunderbus, Lord Raleigh, Running Bean, Te Keel Over, Cheating very late and Mon Uncle and spouse at the pub, Patel, The Recluse, Nickerless, His Walliness, Chastity Belt & ‘Iskneesrbuggered.
Dogs – Raffles, Potato
Then he had a bit of a brain fart…
“The more it snows tiddely pom, the more it goes tiddely pom, the more it goes on on snowing” [don’t be silly – Ed].
The truth about Wally.
Wally is mad [nobody disputes this – Ed]
No, he is mad because of plagiarism.
He wrote both “How To Be A Wally” and “The Complete and Utter Wally” in 1983.
Then 4 years later in 1987 – Martin Handford steals the idea and produces Where’s Wally? Well he is here and, as I say, mad about it.
Being a Wally though he decided against a Vardy v Rooney court case which he would have won and decided “to let sleeping dogs lie” – Raffles, Potato, Pepper, Paddy, Bugsy, Cassie, Maddy etc.
The metaphor is all the better for including hash dogs! [You must be joking? – Ed] – Yes I was.
Both books would be available from all good booksellers, but as there are none left and everything is on-line, they are not!
However, Wally has a number of signed copies that can be acquired by hashers directly from him at an attractive price [to him, perchance?]!
Here is a secret peek into what you learn to become a Wally from the books
The Wally On Wheels
The Wally At Large
The W-Plan Diet
Chez Wally
The Wally At Work
The Superwally
The Wallette
The Wally Sutra
The Wally And The Ivy
The Inner Wally
The Elderly Wally
The Dead Wally
He also has recently written 2 new books – “How To Lose Friends and Upset People” [Wasn’t that the suggestion of another hasher on a bus in New Zealand?] and a novel – “I Don’t Want To,” but these have not been so popular!????
You may not believe this but Wally is an egalitarian.
As Bob Dylan famously wrote:
“The last shall be thirst(y)
And the thirst will last”
So just keep on on drinking!
Editorial
Peace & love to all, man! We could all do with a bit of that at this most miserable time of year.
Very many thanks to FRB for producing accounts of each trail with bonus comments besides WITHOUT FAIL every week within a few hours of the trail’s end, every week for many years.
Please watch out next week for details of the forthcoming 50th anniversary celebrations. Book early to secure a stonking deal!

Pictures – Click for larger copies of these & many many more in this week’s album








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