Miss Bean may have guessed that SH3 have hashed here before; nobody could set an original trail from here, not even by going north.  But she did find stretches today new to most of us, and was eminently successful in getting the short-cutters – quite a few of them – to rejoin the main pack well before the trail ended.  She promised us 6.4 km, and Doug, with Chunderos first in, confirmed exactly that; I took 75 minutes, which sounds right.  Bigfoot missed an opportunity to quote Ezra Pound on this January trail when he pulled a hamstring: “Winter is icumen in, Lhude sing God-damn, An ague hath my ham.” 

  We began very much on the traditional start to a trail in this area – we have even done it knee deep in water with the river in flood, and then turned right (one hare took us left and over the A24, which was certainly original).  By an unexpected hill we came to a very usual place for a check, and this time had a new solution – I think we found it, though Stevie B. was there to ensure we did – which brought us by unfamiliar terrain (yes, up another hill: plenty of those today) to another recognisable area for Surrey trails. “Are you sure?” said a new hasher, handle Dog Splitter (what on earth does that mean?). “Well, yes”, we said, “Been here, done this”.  Some time thereafter a second short cut was offered – I am not sure how the two groups came to be re-combined, very clever that – while I trailed behind such stalwarts as Petal and RHUM on the main trail.
  Chastity Belt was going great guns today (I am uncertain where ‘IsKnees had got to, he was certainly on the trail somewhere) and so were SBJ and Blue Suit.  When we got in Miss Bean was presiding over a feast in honour of her 06th (or 90th) birthday, depending on how you looked at the cake. Well, I say cake; there were several, and a spread of cheeses and crackers, all very festive.  It is some years now that I commented that we had more members over 80 than under 60, and time has merely accentuated this alarming statistic.  True, today as well as Dog Splitter we had two youngsters: it must be difficult for them to relate to graybeards such as the Surrey Hash.
Intriguing that our two main parties now have such feeble leaders. 

[Note from your sub-sub editor, Donald J Trump:  “Hello Hashers.  Bigly greetings.  I know that you are not interested in politics and like to do fun things like party and drink.  Lucky you!  I like a good party too, but usually have to pay people to keep quiet about them.  I hear that you have a growing number of complaints about politics creeping into your organ, so I have redacted some of this  non-hash content from this newsletter and hope that it doesn’t spoil your enjoyment of it.  Here in the USA we are banning everything woke.  Yours, Donald. ]

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Starmer was a wet blanket XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX climate change denial, which is shameful XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Labour Party as left-wing, an absurdity XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

On On

And our raving reporter writes…

  Three score years and ten have passed but Runner Bean has not changed.  However, she refused to wear her birthday suit as it was so cold.  The wonderful mine host Te Keel Over was serving hot toddies to warm us up.

  Chunderos took charge and introduced our visitor from the Rio Hash – everyone said why did you come back?  After some new instructions from the hare, which everybody ignored the birthday hash was launched with a rocket.

  Of course  out front was Atlantic Ocean followed by Fig Boot Toe, Dog Splitter, Rumbold, Chastity Belt, Chunderos (Checking Chicken) and Dog The Tub. 

[Ed – the rocket ended uplooking like Musk’s Starship.]

  Potato had recovered from the loud bang and the FRBs headed across the field whereas the Tortoises – Tosser, Cheating and Tiller short cut down down the path.  After a dangerous gate Petal, Raffles, Blue Suit then caught up.  

  Into the forest and onto THE HILL.

  This was imported from the film made in 1965 and starring Sean Connery – not a lot of people know that [No, it was Michael Caine – Ed].

  On to a second hill that I chose to miss and then I was overtaken by dog Paddy.

  Sister Anna tried to convince me that they were at the Interhash in Jakarta in 1982 but they couldn’t have been as I didn’t see them.

  How she and Dormouse survived their honeymoon there and another 43 years, I will never know [But you don’t know much – Ed].

  I thought I was in Alice in Wonderland or a similar dystopian tale when I encountered Hopeless – he couldn’t find the car park and had lost his mate Atame – how did the rest of us get there?  He then spent some time trying to direct him over his mobile phone from where he (Atame) was to the place he couldn’t find!!!!!!!!!! – Dumb and Dumber???

  We came to a coffee stop – alas no free coffee but a chance for some to rest in the handcart – Hash Crash/Birthing Blanket.

  The runners namely now only Atlantic Ocean and Big Toe had caught the walkers.

  The latter had pulled up lame and now will not be available for this year’s Epsom Derby.

  After her impressive start Dog Splitter was at the back of the pack.

  Kent visitor Calen was heard trying to get Birthing Blanket to open a pet shop for all animals but she declined as handling humans was hard enough!

  We then effectively had a regroup on a common with FRB, SBJ, Blue Suit, Rumbold and Hopeless short cutting a big corner.

  Here Atame at last appeared and I introduced him to Hopeless – lost soles I call them.

  Then it was down, down down down and more down to a field and under a bridge.

  At this point I asked the garrulous, nay loquacious, FRB were we near home – dur there was the car park!

  Then maestro Te Keel Over served many drinks but the hot gluwein was wunder bar.

  Fig Boot provided many down downs later including the birthday gal [Ed – and just about everybody else who has a birthday sometime!] and the 2 hairs Blunderbus and Thunderous and for Hopeless/Atame!

  Then we arrived at the Stepping Stones.

  Runner Bean/Blunderbus provided us with their largesse (this could be considered a hate crime) and we all tucked in as it was time for bed.

  No –  Lord Raleigh was knocking back his first pint of Guinness/Bitter!!!

  Our gracious thanks to Runner Bean and Blunderbus for I hate to admit it a good trail and then vittles afterwards.

Hash Education

  Below are 2 excellent books.  The one by Douglas Murray is suitable for FRB and academics.

  The other for the rest of the hash to teach you how to become one – it hasn’t done me any harm [the jury is out on that – Ed.]

  It was written in 1983 under my nom de plume (I was having trouble with the feathers of the parrot)!

  Murray produced a sequel called The Madness of Crowds – this is about his visits to Nash and Interhashes around the world – not Jakarta.