A special day for a very special person…

  As one would expect there was a fantastic turnout for this week’s hash, gathered to celebrate Clever Trevor’s 90^th birthday! The car park was overflowing, much to the annoyance of later arrivals.

  Before we set off Clever Trevor was showered with birthday gifts from a number of adoring harriettes (who will remain nameless here) but I found it fascinating to learn that the SH3 ladies are far more attracted to the more mature (octogenarian and now nonagenarian) gentlemen of our hash than the young (sexagenarian and septuagenarian) bucks that strut their stuff in the circles.

  Our hares were Dormouse and Velcro.  They certainly laid the flour for the trail but were not the masterminds behind the route. So who do we thank or blame for that? ‘Tis RHUM! He apparently was asked by Dormouse to share the route of the run he’d previously set from there, which explains why, despite him being a walking wounded, RHUM was able to stay at the front of the pack all the way round, knowing where the route would go.

  It was yet another trail (following Simple’s tour of housing estates in Guildford last week) which mixed patches of parkland, countryside and suburbia, with an added constant aroma of sewerage, despite our trail initially passing the local natural springs that feed into the Hogsmill River.

  Whilst RHUM had shared the map of his trail, it became evident that the hares were not proficient in map reading skills. There were at least two occasions where the pack went round in circles with flour everywhere, with the trail crossing back on itself. Simple declared the “technique” being adopted was to just lay flour in every direction. At one point whilst checking Ms Bean got to a certain point and declared it could not be in that direction as it wasn’t the “hare(s)’s style”, to me it felt there was no style just total confusion and in fact the solution was found just a bit further on! The hares did well keeping the pack together but that was just because the front runners kept being sent round in circles. Poor Belcher as Checking Chicken didn’t stand a chance trying to work out how to mark through the checks.

  Stilton was admiring Le Pro’s blue lycra attire – suggesting it was Superman-like, just lacking in the cape, to which Le Pro retorted that he was too busy winning at rugby to be bothered to worry about that.

  Most were back in the carpark after about an hour and ten minutes, though we had a long wait for our Biermeister to get back following an altercation between his knee and Master Bates’ nose which resulted in a nose bleed and a Wayne Rooney-type photo opportunity for MB to share another injury.

  Our GM called in the visitors for (at Ms Bean’s preferred polite terminology) a “welcome drink” – a generational mix of relatives from Clever Trevor and Terminator’s family – children, in-laws, grandchildren and Tilly the chocolate lab. Tosser was heard grumpily complaining in the background it would cost us a small fortune to provide so many down downs. Our GM complemented all the harriettes for their front running skills today, though Ross and Steve (family visitors) were up at the front (and Ross promises to come back again), she then called in Arfur Pint and Atalanta for being good callers and challenged Jolly Green Giant as to whether he had managed to find any shiggy. The hares were then duly toasted before Popeye our RA administered his down downs:

• Hans Der Schwanz – accusing the hares of being “Stingy Flour Bastards”
• Gibber – declaring he had never gone the wrong way on a hash in the whole of his life.
• Terminator – for her criminal acts.
• Granddaughter Kelly – for wearing Doc Martens on a hash.
• Le Pro for bragging about beating Speedy Humper in the rugby by one point.
• J Arthur for assaulting MB.
• SBJ and Blue Suit for perving through people’s windows.
• Too Posh for accusing J Arthur of being “a crap checker”.

  Our special birthday boy Clever Trevor was presented with his hashy birthday present – a black hoody which will enable him to successfully shoplift when his pension fails to provide adequate funds.

  We all then made our way to The Wheatsheaf and enjoyed a delicious spread of tasty bites. Other fans of Clever Trevor joined us in the pub – to include Fetherlite, Scud and the Stilton family.

  Thank you to Trevor for being an inspirational member of SH3 – still promising to provide our catering at the Officials Dinner and AGM 2024; On On to your 100^th birthday celebration!

  Missing your usual scribe this week – FRB was looking after his lovely wife Solange, recovering in hospital, we send best wishes to you both.

  On On, Atalanta