It was a nice sunny day to meet at the Surrey Oaks, Newdigate missing the two oaks it was originally named after.  It was a wheelwright’s cottage before becoming a pub for a new adventure plotted by Chundy and Poshie.

  As various eager hashers arrived, the hares were desperately attempting to get them parking at the very back of the car park in the bright sunshine but many rebelled.  I got talking to Wally’s brother who very quickly denied any responsibility for him.  We had visitors from foreign lands, Átame (tie me up) originally from Spain who is now based in Kent turned up on the promise of Hopeless being there.  Others including Fanny Sniffer, Mother of Einstein, and Machinist.
Mr G used his authority to round up the hashers, telling us it would be a wonderful hash as it was organised by the ladies. Chundy came in to inform us that there was a sip for both groups and it was a 4.1 mile run through the shelter of the woods.  Walkers assisted by Too Posh could walk straight to the sip and back again which was all marked. Then when looking for two checking chickens she rather stupidly gave flour to Wally.  Does she never learn!  The sip was supposedly one mile but I think they later questioned the length of that mile.  Too Posh leading the walkers was given the job of looking after Lord Raleigh and delivering him safely home.
  So it was out of the car park along the side of the road and off to the left over a couple of stiles with the first check near some stables.  After much searching it was called as a back check so back we went only to be confronted by an angry woman complaining and moaning about the calling, and telling us dogs should be put on leads.  I told her “we haven’t got any dogs, love,” quite politely, which threw her for a second but didn’t stop her from yelling more abuse at us.

  Back out to the road, further up, then right into the shelter of the trees, weaving through fields and woods, Wally complaining [Ed: Surely not!] of no calling even though he wasn’t  calling either.  There were many confusing checks holding us up, Big Foot, Atalanta, Tailend, Sticky Balls, Missing in Action and myself, amongst others, trying to solve the sneaky hares’ trail.  Wally had resorted to doing his own unnecessary markings.  I’m surprised he didn’t disagree with the trail and mark his own route!

  I can’t quite remember the whole trail as I was only asked to do the write-up later at the pub, though I was informed that I should mention Mr G who gallantly rescued Dr Death and Petal, apparently distraught and lost, obviously led astray by that pesky dog, Raffles [Never let the truth get in the way of a good story].  Rosemary was also rescued by a lovely local lady bringing out a chair for her and giving her a lift back to the pub leaving Arfur Pint to head towards the sip and enjoy her Pimms.

  Anyway, as we weaved around paths, fields and woodlands we eventually found our way to a fabulous, rather welcome Pimms stop, which Teq had managed to get to despite a closed road.  [It seemed he’d enjoyed a fair measure himself!]  Then it was on back to the pub via a rather elite estate in its private grounds with plenty of land ideal for a hash camping weekend somewhere near Becketwood, though don’t think they’d like us upsetting their finely manicured lawns. I walked on back with Coolbox who stayed for the down downs but then had to go home to check that Madonna was behaving himself back at home.

Down Downs to the hares, Uncle G compared it to the German hash last week where Made2Cum had got rather tipsy and he, Chunderos and Teq had been setting a new low benchmark. Visitors were downed including visitors from abroad, including Petal from the Hong Kong Hash [bit of a stretch] and Vera Vomit for planning to graffiti the ladies loo.
Sinners included RHUM as he’s back on the market, after several careful owners, also Poshie for snogging him on national kissing day causing a minor tremor in this known earthquake area. Petal {again?] as hash shag editor for slow delivery after having a breakdown this week, Coolbox for her rare visit as after a hot week we needed cooling down. Due to committee WhatsApp group on the weather Mr G was given one for being grumpygate on top of Newdigate and Parkgate.  ‘Ard-on Provocateur, CL and Tosser were brought in for whinging.  Finally Veggie Queen for not giving up her seat for the elderly.

  Back at the pub, we found a lovely large table to accommodate our hashers just next to a couple who thought they’d picked a nice peaceful table for their meal with their young daughter. RHUM and Petal told us about the excellent Elbow gig in the disabled area. There was talk of next week’s run at The Thatchers Hotel where J Arthur built a lean-to many years back.  He should have got married there but wasn’t allowed to, getting married elsewhere, but he couldn’t remember where.  Petal was surprised as he could remember all three of his.  There were Hash chips courtesy of J Arthur with a few asking if we could order more to get the nice young waitresses out again.

  Fab hash ladies and even better sip!
  On on, OITE