Sheepleas is one of those areas that has seen repeated visits by SH3 over nearly half a century, for the very good reason that it is excellent hashing country but also with some intriguing place names. Who was Dick Fock and why was he so Common? Was he too common for his neighbour, the refined Hazel Bucket?

  Runs have started from car parks in Shere Road, St Mary’s Church, Green Dene and, in the distant past, from Combe Lane; it is therefore very familiar territory to seasoned SH3 hashers. That familiarity with the territory gives hares a degree of freedom to lay a trickier trail than usual, no one is likely to get so lost that the Mountain (wood) Rescue have to be called out. Even so, as the seconds ticked down to eleven the Hare, Simple, looked worried and was muttering about a serious lack of FRBs. He need not have worried, there were FRBs, plenty of them but a large party of (I think) foragers had already almost filled the car park and the later FRB arrivals were struggling to find spaces on the road.

  A Hare Talk revealed another reason for Simple to look worried. He had recently laid a Barnes run there and some of that trail was still visible while Pistoffen were also running somewhere in Sheep Fleas that morning but using flour rather than the usual sawdust for their trail. The potential for a major cockup was considerable, but being Simple, he had a simple solution, to lay the trail in pink flour. As Simple himself put it, what could possibly go wrong?

  The out trail immediately took liberties with an Angel’s Clump, not something to be done lightly and we began to get to grips with the pink trail. “Too gay,” thought Chunderous, but Mrs Robinson observed that the check circles were small but perfectly formed. The first Zig was northwards and in the direction of St Mary’s Church carpark, but then the Zigs and Zags became more and more frequent. After mistaking a Zig for a Zag, I was little behind the pack, but with the fluorescent Atty briefly visible just ahead, I took a shortcut. Nine pairs of eyes swivelled towards me and not in a friendly way, there were two human females ahead with a large pack of variegated hounds. With a snarl, they attacked. The professional dogwalkers that is, the dogs were fine. All Hashes should, according to them, be required to put up signs warning innocent dogwalkers that hashing would be taking place. Ignoring the total impracticability of their idea, I did gently suggest that in decades of hashing, they were the first to have problems with controlling their dogs when the pack passed. That didn’t go down well. By then the FRBs were far ahead heading towards Green Dene road where zigging and zagging continued apace and only a GPS generated map will show exactly where the trail went.

  For me, the walkers trail beckoned, but when the pink checks turned white, the select group of the pack with me were baffled. Obviously not Surrey trail but was this well preserved ancient Barnes trail or Pistoffen trail from today? Neither as it turned out, the pink dye had not quite reached all the way to the bottom of the bag, so this really was SH3 trail. Not to be bothered by a mere lack of trail, Sheep Fleas car park soon beckoned for us, at bang on 60 minutes. Excellent! The pack drifted in, mostly on trail, including a rescued short cutting Mrs Robinson, and the Circle started.

  Machinist awarded the Hare a downdown and welcomed a Visitor or two. Actually, considerably more than two. There were visitors from Singapore, including one harriette whose reply on being asked her hash name was something like ‘mftghlp,’ as she had a mouthful at the time which by a strange coincidence was also her hash name. As well as Singapore visitors, there was a virgin from Ukraine while Guildford, East Grinstead, Weybridge, Old Coulsdon and City hashes were all represented, though not all got a beer.

  I’m not saying that while punishing sinners the RA’s terrible joke went on too long, but watches were being checked and phones consulted to see what time the pub closed and exactly when the sun set. Eventually, a warm and sunny beer garden at the King William IV was filled with hashers who had all enjoyed the trail they had followed, even if it wasn’t always quite what the Hare had intended.

  Mentioning City does remind me that FRB almost always put a political note in his writeups and this week how can I ignore the big scandal? An audit by the Hash House HArriers Higher Authority (HA HA) based in Zurich, Switzerland (actually, in the Zurinals at the tram stop opposite FIFA HQ), had revealed major accounting discrepancies threatening the SH3 position as the Premier UK Hash. The Audit revealed that the claimed multi million pound income from the Sultan of Selangor himself and numerous Surrey sponsors including Hogs Back Brewery and ‘Sprainaway’ Extra Strong liniment could not have paid the huge transfer fees for the signings over the years of top Hashletes from Barnes and Guildford. Instead, shockingly, the report suggested SH3 was in fact entirely funded by the members. According to the press, a points deduction for Checks Solved was on the cards, perhaps even relegation.
An anonymous Top Official Spokesman who accidentally called himself ‘Gerry’ said that a huge team of expensive top lawyers, mostly personally recommended by Hash Flash and Petal, could not find any transgressions of the Rules of Hashing and that HA HA were a complete joke.

  On On

  Eveready (copyright reserved)