It’s on days like this, in the early autumnal sun, when the day just seems perfect.  Tosser’s Hash from White Down, Effingham, was perfectly set to take advantage of a small car park for what was forecast to be a relatively small Surrey H³.

  Turning off the tiny White Down Lane into a minuscule car park, the early hashers were surprised to see plenty of parking spaces on offer.  As a bonus, not only were there no cyclists parked up with their cars, but there was only one dog walker’s car — and they left before the main part of the pack arrived.  A double bonus was that all the cars were parked under the dappled shade of the trees.

  Well, how many hashers turned up, you may ask, given that we were expecting a smaller pack? Surprisingly, a good 30, with the pack rounded out by some visitors and a contingent from W@NK H³ — and still plenty of parking to go round!

  Come 10:59 a.m., Tosser was still not to be seen.  At this moment he was only an hour into setting the trail, and Tosser was tossering as a tumbling Tosser, as can be seen from the photographs of him taken by Masterbates.

  Uncle Gerry set us off on time and we climbed only a short way before heading west-southwest into the deciduous woods. From White Down we headed into Dunley Wood, touching the North Downs Way, before passing over Hackhurst Downs and the old Drove Road.

  So far, the pack was staying pretty much together, but as we started to loop back around Little Kings Wood and Gravelhill Gate, the Hash began to split up.  Bolshy and I stumbled away from a confusing check and down into what appeared to be a dried-up stream bed.  Some hashers were calling from afar, but we became separated from the main pack, although we could still hear them as they faded off into the dense woodland.

  Jimbo and I then took a long, steep climb uphill, leaving the mainly deciduous woodland behind and entering a coniferous section of the woods.  However, we eventually managed to rejoin the main trail and the remaining half of the pack as we headed from Kingshill down alongside Oaken Grove and back through Old Sim’s Copse to the car park.

  The trail was perfect: plenty of flour and plenty of signage.  I’m sure it was our own fault that we became confused at just one check!  The trail was made even better by the weather.  It was a very warm day, but beneath the dappled sunlight of the trees it was glorious to be out in the English countryside, with a gentle breeze blowing just enough to cool us down.

  On arriving back at the car park I was able to complete a proper count, taking the latecomers into account, and there were some 30 hashers in all — a pretty good turnout.

  Tiller was on hand with the drinks as usual, and the bar seems to get better every week under his stewardship (I appreciate the cool Adnams Ghost Ship 0.5%!)  I think Lord Raleigh even supplied nibbles once again.  Good on him, and thanks LR!

  Once the pack was safely back at the car park and watered, Uncle Gerry called the Circle and gave us his thoughts on the day. He was adamant that this was the best Hash on the day.

  He informed us that a number of Surrey H³ members had gone off to Provence in France, claiming that the sensible ones were here on this Hash.   After all, who would want to be eating smelly garlic this and smelly garlic that, frog’s legs, moules and escargots, while having to put up with drinking dodgy lager instead of beer?

  He continued with his superlatives about just how refined, in comparison, the Hash members present were, making great play of the fact that we were la crème de la crème — or, in his words, “La Creme de al Cream”, which just goes to prove that Franglais is alive and kicking.

  Belcher was in a kind and considerate mood and called in only two hashers as sinners.  However, he couldn’t resist punishing us all with a Belcher shaggy-dog story — groans as usual!

  The pack then split up to meet at the revised pub venue, The Plough in Effingham.  It’s a lovely location with a nice beer garden.  Unfortunately, there was only one real ale available on draught — and that ran out fairly soon.  What a shame, because otherwise I think many hashers would have stayed there for far longer.

  A great Hash by Tosser, and a real shame that he had such a damaging fall, leaving him with a well-bloodied and scarred face.  We hope he mends and gets better soon.

  And we sincerely hope he doesn’t get another rolling-pin beating from his wife for being such a tumbling Tosser!

On On,
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