Eskimo and Eveready had already received a compliment from Belcher before the hash had even started, he said “This is the best hash so far, great parking and the facilities are fantastic. Lovely long stainless steel troughs for the men!”   Yogi had travelled from Norfolk to come and join us and Fish and Chips had travelled all of a two minute walk from home, it was a little cooler than the previous few days but I don’t think anyone could complain it was cold. Tosser was almost run down in the car park by a four by four driver, we’d obviously taken his parking space. Our hares had kindly come up from Hastings to lay their trail but the GM had buggered off to Turkey, RHUM and Atalanta had decided that a holiday was more important and Petal was far too busy trying to chat up the nurses in hospital.

  Eskimo stepped into the circle, she tried to tell us about the trail but kept getting pestered by Master Bates who she told to shut up, it was four miles but there was a half mile short cut for the lazy ones with a check to solve so they didn’t get off too easy. After she finished speaking Master Bates quickly demanded that she get up against the wall (for a photograph) [she seems to suffer from scopophobia – MB] [Only where you are concerned! -Ed] so with that done it was just a few minutes to 11:00 and time to head out.

  It was South out of the car park into Meadow bank park alongside the stream which I’m sure Raffles would have enjoyed if he’d been given the opportunity. The first check was at the bottom of the park which was solved by Simple which led back off to the left, up the hill, over the bridge and even further uphill (you’ve got to love a hill start) towards Ranmore. Simple still leading the way alongside Tailend for quite a while at the beginning, due to the exotic temperatures we’ve been having there seemed to be many more walkers and short-cutters.

  It was then into Denbies where Fanny Sniffer informed me that it was 170 yards from the check to the flour. Online Services recalled his Denbies tour once and the thimble measures of wine provided for tasting, wouldn’t satisfy some hashers. Hash Flash was trying to predict the route, Simple and Tailend forging ahead until they realised they’d lost flour so it was back and right and uphill again before coming to the long/ short cut. Hash Flash chatted about us hashers being less toned and having trouble getting up!! (Hills that is) and we had a Fran free Blue Suit though he’d had his orders to join the family picnic later.

  It was a lovely trail in a mix of woodland, countryside [Abounding with Oregano/Wild Marjoram. MB] and back alleys with some fabulous views that we did appreciate and enjoy. At one point it was me, Mole, Tailend, Hash Flash, Blue Suit and Online Services, Doug the Tub and others had clearly shortcut. We found Teddy Bear along the route and overtook him, headed back towards the town, found JArthur shortly before Dorking Wanderers who play at the same level as the mighty Hereford. They missed out in the play offs to go up to the national league as I was informed.

  As we’d came back in, Dormouse was going out to look for Sister Anna and Arfur Pint not realising they were already back. Velcro tried to call him, Sister Anna said “I’m not looking for him”. JArthur [I’d encountered JArt at start of the short-cut which I was considering. I had to accompany him, manhood was at stake! MB] [Your trials look identical to me  – Ed] said he’d seen Teddy Bear but he was still absent. Redeye was looking relaxed reclined against the wall with his baseball cap on back to front and J’Arthur told the ladies off for not having their phones on them on the hash [quite right! MB] when Sister Anna said it was in the car. Belcher and Veggie Queen had got fed up with waiting for the down downs so had buggered off home.

  Bolshie acted and downed the hares, then Hash Flash for abandoning his friend Yogi who was still out there, he made an urgent phone call to check on him, he was nearly back. Next was Tosser for holding up the traffic. Machinist and Bolshie were given down downs. [We didn’t really manage to have a circle, it was more a “squircle” in a single parking bay! MB] Bolshie voiced our best wishes to Petal for a full and speedy recovery from his heart problems and then it was off to The White Horse for more beer.

  Now those of you who didn’t come back to the pub, which by the way, was an excellent venue missed the best part of the hash day. Dr Death displayed the finest of balancing skills having picked up a few more beers to share, he navigated Lord Raleigh’s walker almost making it when Tiller stuck his chair leg out causing him to lose a few pints of beer, he miraculously managed to keep two pints on the tray, with a tray full of beer, Arfur Pint became a full pint and he cooled himself off with cold beer but very well saved. [Abhoring waste as I do, I decanted the tray of spilt beer into my glass. Tailend offered me a (used) tissue from his pocket to use as a make-shift sponge so’s I could recover the beer on the floor. I demurred. MB] So, always come back to the pub for such fabulous entertainment.

  On On, OITE