Le Pro?! LE PRO? Is he out again? I thought he was banged up for “Worrying sheep or Students or something” at the agricultural college?
..
  What he got off?  [Ed: 2-Tier justice – he’s not English!]
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  Oh yes I remember; the ‘On Sec got some legal advice and did a “groveling letter” to the College Principal;  he got off with a “Cease and Desist” didn’t he?
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  What? An Ankle Tag?! How long did he have to wear that ?
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  He STILL has to?
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  Oh only dusk to dawn, hmmm… he’s still pretty dangerous during the day.
I heard he has started worrying Golfers, I hope we manage to avoid golf courses today.
…
  What?  He has chosen the tiny car park at Merrow?  But that’s pretty close to a couple of them; that cheap and nasty one behind the park and ride with a “Portakabin Club House”, can’t tell with that sort; maybe get shouted at but they could turn nasty, tough builders, Pikeys, and the like.

  THEN there is the “Proper Golf Club”; Uh Oh.  NO not another “Cease and Desist”!?  Could be bad on top of the Ankle Tag!
  Where is his minder?  I heard he has a new one.
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  Oh, wisely staying well out of it, I don’t blame her!

  I’ll wear my “I love Golfers, and I’m only running to catch my bus” Tee shirt, that and tip-toeing past the “sensitive bits”, that usually works..

  OK! CU there.
….
  Having opted in; we decided to go on our “Bikes” (“The Great Bookham Bike Bunch”) to make sure we could park SOMEWHERE.  Well I say “Bikes”; Chundy’s is a “Pretty Boy” Blue Vespa (That’s “Wasp” in Italian did you know?), and I’ve got a frighteningly powerful Honda 1000, sorry 100, but I can’t do deliveries as I don’t have L-Plates.

  Despite being pretty early, there weren’t many spaces but the GBBB and Machinist blagged a single car space for all three “Bikes” (Oooh a Guzzi!).
Skilfully avoiding the bloody stupid “Start-Curcule” by unzipping my emergency “StartBeer” and lurking about … “Blah Blah Blah … Rusty, Blah Blah”.

  I sneaked out the “Tradesman’s Entrance” and watched what looked like the contents of a Care Home Coach Outing straggle across the road …

  Oh Oh – he’s going straight for the targets, he IS worrying Golfers!!

  200 yards (or is that 195.478 metres) we find a what I have newly christened; a Rurban Check (a portmanteau: Rural-Urban, NOT Urbane!) Check; “A check laid near, or by, or in the middle of a road BUT laid on a smidgin of grass” … marked through even before I got to it, well there is a surprise.  Bugger that, it’s going up that enclosed path past the roughie’s golf course that we had to use ages ago.

  I’ll take a look for the In-Trail, and went back past the church; Ohhh I’ll take a look in the grounds, there might be a pathway I haven’t used before.

  Peeking around the corner of the “Lynch Gate” (is that “Lych Gate”? Dunno!) a dog-collar bedecked young chap spots me, smiles, and beckons me in; …In for a penny; “Hello” I offers and don’t give him a chance to say much.

“Ohhh we’re going out for a run in the country, and thanks (if you were going to offer) but we have already been blessed; the Vicar (or whatever) in Byfleet dun it when we parked in his car park!  Byee, have a nice day”. (wasn’t like that at all .. Poetic Licence … I’ve paid the fee).

  If I had persisted I would have found that you can wander through the lovely graveyard, where the Saxon for Corpse, Lyches (as Google AI unreliably informs me) are “stored”, after resting at the aforementioned gate, and exit onto THAT road not far from the footpath that avoids IT and hopefully where “Le-Pro de Ankle Tag” has laid the IN-Trail.  Not to be; he is Urban, if not Urbane, and the “In Arrow” is on the road Upstream from the footpath.  Never mind I’ll use the footpath and see if he could have.

  I proceeded at a gentle pace up the pleasantly quiet footpath, assumed parallel to the “In Trail” and investigated “Dog Walker Offshoots” for possibilities.  Got stuck in the “jungle” between the backs of houses and golfers so resolved to boldly split the infinitive and use the “Golf Cart Motorway” coming from the “Posh” Guildford Golf Club “CH” to the “crossing point” on THAT road.

  Lo and behold, what do I find but flour!  Hahaha it’s the “Inn Trail” skirting along the edge of the golf course on a “Dog Walker” made path.  At this time I see a “bedraggle” of walking hashers coming in my direction on the GCMotorway, not on Inn, or Out, trail.

  “You’re going the wrong way”, bellows Dr. Death, for it is he who is part of the what looks like the “Walking Wounded”.

  I indicate / gesticulate / postulate silently with a minimum number of fingers that “I am fine thanks, you should try following the flour yourselves maybe?” and leg it on trail into some bushes skirting the open ground.  After all; I don’t want to detract from their enjoyment of the rest of what I hear later is only the beginning of a “circuit all around the edge of Merrow Downs and back”, it’s what they came out for isn’t it?

  So discovering the Inn Trail, that I am on, just dumps out onto and down the road to the arrow I have previously seen, I set off up hill to find the Out Trail and take a look at that.  Slightly avoiding the road by using a poorly maintained footpath in the jungle beside it, who should I bump into but “Lost in Space” (Geoff Amblin, for it is he) ; “Lost in Surrey” for a change! 
Desperately he asks “Are you On?” .. ”No mate, and don’t follow me, I’m weird, don’t ask, see you later, maybe, byeeeee”, and leg it onto and up the road to where the Out trail “could” have come from.  Has it?  NO! aaah spooky.  I find the check our Hare has set where “probably” the big “Pack Splitting” took place.

  The trail is laid quite a long way from the check and makes an extensive excursion loop off official public footpaths on “Dog Walker Paths” and through broken down fences and the like.  The problem is it returns VERY close to, but not exactly to, where “Lost, Late, Checkers” would bedraggle to when not called on to the “excursion” (or “Unnecessary loop” as FRB would have it) by the FRBs, hence the “Lostees” are set to wander aimlessly about in the middle, and not on the Northen edge, of the golf course, and tell ME I am going the wrong way !!! 
This is all speculation and supposition I suppose, but that’s life!

  Anyway I continue down the Out Trail and am soon back at the start. The usual suspects are already clustered around one of our team of “Bier Meisters”, J Arthur, so I recover the remains of my “emergency start beer” and perk it up with a new one from J-Aart. I decide to turn one of my cans into a “drinking vessel” (Mug? Cup?) by decapitating it with the old “Swiss Army” and folding down a “safe edge” (it’s sort of what I do!) .

  Atalanta catches me sawing away at the can near the waste bin and accuses me of Rojer-ing it! Cheek!

  The newly created mug/cup/vessel is found a use when I manage to find the 4 odd pint container of “Hog’s Back” TEA that I bought while doing a “recce” of the Brewery Tap for use by Nash Hash, and I try and get the odd beer enthusiast to have a sample.

  Slowly the walking wounded bedraggle in and we all enjoy the attempts of a mad woman who has parked nose in, and is now paying the price of such stupidity, but demands that the G Car, though perfectly properly parked, MUST be moved. 50% of the assembled motley crowd chip in to offer advice, the other 50% wisely leave her to her fate. Eventually the reluctant Mrs G is coerced into driving the car 4 inches forward, and then back, despite being “improperly” dressed … she has trainers on, and can’t drive properly in trainers, and the mad woman is allowed to escape.

  The circle is formed and we hear the sad, but not unexpected, news that Glowworm had died the previous day.
GM G said some nice things about Le Pro (!!)(I think?), visitors were dealt with, the RA stepped up ….

  I really am useless at remembering all the jolly goings on of the circle, so maybe someone can fill in?

  The pub was fun, if not cheap, and we had an excellent session in the garden sunshine.

  Thanks Le Pro (de Ankle Tag) and Don’t You (IF involved in any way) I, and I hope all, had a great day.

  On On,

  Teq