Firstly, search as I did, including in my junk folders, I could find no application from RHUM for the usurpation of my ancestral hashing territory.  No Nookie & SFB (who attended the run) and Bonn Bugle & Hans der Schwanz, of course, pay me annual licence fees.

  About half an hour before the off, RHUM messaged the Mismanagement that he had tripped over a root and a “pointy thing” next to it took a gash out of his leg and his shoe filled with blood.  He carried on and finished laying the trail!  He then drove himself to the Woking Community Hospital and, while queuing, texted us a Hare talk.  At 14:10, he said that he had been “patched up” (with Steri Strips) and was heading home.  He also expressed regret that he was unable to join us and point out the right way.

  Although once called “Horse Hill”, “Horsell” probably derives from the Saxon “Horig Scylf”, meaning a muddy slope or shelf on a hill.  Kestrel Way is a retail and industrial park so, on a Sunday, parking is plentiful, plus, it adjoins the Common.

  We headed North past Westbury Farm and were soon veering East and passed a herd of Belted Galloway cattle lying down in the shade.  There were a fair number of checks throughout the run and a shortcut.  We then had to cross the Chobham Road. Horsell Common is, unfortunately, criss-crossed with straight main roads that most motorists treat as speedways, even on a Sunday.  I know they’re expensive but it would benefit from at least six pedestrian bridges.  We then skirted Wapshott Farm and I guessed (wrongly) that we would head for Danewell Hill.  This is an excuse for a hill compared with the Surrey Hills but it’s the highest point of the Common. RHUM must have thought this “a bridge too far” in this heat wave and the trail turned Right.  We were almost half way round and after another Right turn we had to cross back over the Chobham Road at the infamous junction with Kettlewell Hill.  Bigfoot was cautioning everyone to be careful and use the island and I heard that Bolshie, who must have been having Flash-backs was shepherded across.  We then entered Cheapside (pronounced kiæpsədi by the older locals) which leads to the Plough.  We were trying to solve a check and because of the plethora of paths in that area, my local knowledge was of little use.  It was here that the trail was sabotaged, the blobs were still visible but the checks that had been kicked through were ambiguous.  I knew we had to cross South Road to one of three possible paths. We eventually entered Viggory Lane and I then knew that the On-In would cross Horsell Birch (road) and go past the pub.  RHUM took the scenic route via the pond.  Over 90% of the trail was in (at least dappled) shade.

  We managed to have the circle in the shade as well.  Returnees were welcomed, Fanny Sniffer & MoLE and were summarily down-downed.  In the absence of the hare, UG called me in (as the owner of the “hasharian rights” of the area) for a down-down.  The RA, who said that because of the weather, he would be brief, after calling in the sinners: Birthy, Ms Bean, Bolshie and Fanny Sniffer he embarked on an inordinately, immoderate joke about the Pope which sapped most people’s will to live!

  Finally, due to supposed requests, the GM performed a new down-down song he’d recently penned:

Here’s to the GM, he’s a true blue.

He’s a gentleman, through and through.

He’s a top man, so they say.

And he’ll always go to heaven, never the other way

  The Cricketers, at least in the summer, is an oxymoron viz. a drinker friendly gastro pub.  They have a large garden with many shaded areas and it was less than 200 yards from the start.  Shepherd Neame Spitfire was on tap but not available from the garden bar; one had to walk to the main bar.

  No Muslim Remembrance Garden, no river, no canal, no Mclaren and no hill but a fine effort for the new kid on the block.   [Ed: a welcome change!]  Thank you RHUM and carry on recovering.  I’ll send you my bank details in case you want to use this territory again.

  OnOn,
  Master Bates